btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
