then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
