HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
