im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage