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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  details please.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

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• (661): View more from California

  He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.

  (269): View more from Michigan

  7) Noodle arms: engage

  (269): View more from Michigan

  The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?

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• (209): View more from California

  I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom

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