i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
