That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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