I'm really into asian looking animals
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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