Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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