i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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