she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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