i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
