Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Even my vagina gasped.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
