If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
