she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
