I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
