you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
