sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
