That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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