I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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