I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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