I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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