I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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