You just made me feel so damn special
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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