sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
