they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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