This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
