so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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