So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
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Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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