Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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