I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just puked most of my soul out..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
