I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
