You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
