After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
