he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
