Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
