he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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