Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
