i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
