I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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