he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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