oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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