I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
