My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Four minutes until I can fart!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
