I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
