You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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