i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
