he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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