He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
