Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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