I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
