Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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