You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
