i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
