Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
