She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
