Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
