Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
