Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
