??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
