It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
