It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
